Feedback as a Gift
A Self-Reflection Exercise
Most of us receive feedback and respond with our defenses already up.
We explain, deflect, or dismiss, even when the feedback contains something true and useful. And when it comes to giving feedback, we often hold it back, softening it so much that it loses its impact, or avoiding the conversation altogether.
This exercise is a structured self-reflection designed to help you engage with feedback more honestly. Both feedback you've received and feedback you need to give. You will walk away with one clear insight about how you receive feedback and one concrete conversation you are ready to have.
Time Required: 25 uninterrupted minutes
Materials: A journal or notebook and a pen (not a screen — writing by hand slows you down in the best way)
Step 1: Look Back at Feedback That Changed You
(8 minutes)
Think about feedback you have received at some point in your leadership journey that actually landed. Not feedback you agreed with immediately. Feedback that stayed with you.
Write your answers to these questions:
What was the feedback, and who gave it to you?
What was your first reaction — and what was your reaction a week later?
How did it change the way you lead?
What made you able to hear it, even if it was hard?
If you're struggling to think of an example, start here: What is something true about how you lead that you wish someone had told you earlier?
Step 2: Look Inward at How You Receive Feedback Now
(7 minutes)
This step is about your current patterns, not an idealized version of how you receive feedback, but how you actually respond.
When you receive critical feedback, what is your most common first instinct — explain, deflect, agree quickly, or go quiet?
What makes feedback easier for you to hear? (Think about who gives it, how it's framed, your state of mind.)
What is one piece of feedback you have received recently that you haven't fully sat with yet?
What would it mean to really take it in?
Write a first draft of what you would say. Don't worry about getting it perfect. Just write it.
Step 3: Look Outward at Feedback You’ve Been Holding Back
(7 minutes)
This step is about your current patterns, not an idealized version of how you receive feedback, but how you actually respond.
When you receive critical feedback, what is your most common first instinct — explain, deflect, agree quickly, or go quiet?
What makes feedback easier for you to hear? (Think about who gives it, how it's framed, your state of mind.)
What is one piece of feedback you have received recently that you haven't fully sat with yet?
What would it mean to really take it in?
Step 4: Name Your Next Step
(3 minutes)
This step is short, but it's the one that matters most.
What is one thing you want to do differently in how you receive feedback?
What is the feedback conversation you are going to have — and when?
Write both down. Be specific. Vague commitments don't happen
Looking Ahead: Keeping the Feedback Loop Open
Feedback is not a one-time conversation. It's a habit.
Return to this exercise when:
You notice you've been avoiding a conversation for more than two weeks.
You receive feedback that stings and you're not sure what to do with it.
You're starting a new role, project, or team relationship.
You're doing a mid-year or year-end leadership reflection.
The goal is not to become someone who loves feedback. It's to become someone who can use it.