The Trust Conversation
A 1:1 Trust Building Exercise
A simple, structured 1:1 conversation designed to build trust. One person at a time.
Time Required: 30 minutes
Materials: None. Just your willingness to listen.
Before You Start
Who is the one person on your team you most need to understand better right now?
Not the person who is struggling. Not the person you are closest to. The person where deepening trust would actually shift something. For them. For you. For the team.
It might be:
Someone quiet in meetings
Someone who recently pushed back
Someone you keep meaning to check in with
Someone you realize you don’t know as well as you should
Pick one person and schedule 30 minutes this month. Let them know this time is for you to learn from them.
Step 1: Open with Honesty (2–3 minutes)
Skip the formalities. Be yourself and also be direct.
You might say:
“I wanted to take some time to check in with you about something that matters to me. I care about making sure you feel trusted here, and that I’m doing my part as your leader. I’d really like to listen and understand how things are going for you. Is now a good time?”
Use your own words.
The goal is simple. Name that this conversation is about trust, and center their experience.
Step 2: Ask Questions and Listen (20–25 minutes)
Come in with 2–3 open-ended questions. Ask one. Then listen.
If you need a place to start:
When do you feel most trusted on this team?
Has there been a time recently when you didn’t feel comfortable speaking up? What happened?
What is it like to work with me? What am I doing well? Where could I improve?
Who on the team do you trust most, and why?
Is there something you’ve been hesitant to say or do?
What would help you trust me more?
As you listen:
Let silence do its work
Ask one follow-up: “Tell me more” or “What did that feel like?”
Don’t defend or explain
If something is hard to hear: “That’s helpful to know. Thank you for telling me.”
Pay attention to the moment the conversation deepens. That’s where trust is built.
Important: Don’t take notes. Stay present. This is a conversation, not a performance.
Step 3: Close with Clarity and Commitment (3–5 minutes)
End with intention, not ambiguity.
You might say:
“I really appreciate your honesty. Here’s what I’m hearing: [reflect one key point]. That matters to me. I’m going to [name one specific action]. I’d like to check back in a few weeks to see how it’s landing.”
Or:
“Thank you for this. I want to make sure I follow through, not just hear you. Can we reconnect in a few weeks?”
Then ask:
“Does that feel right to you?”
After the Conversation
This is where trust is actually built.
In the next few days:
Do what you said you would do
Follow through quickly and visibly
If you committed to stopping something, stop
Trust is built in the follow-through.
You may also notice a shift. A bit more openness. A bit more ease. That’s the work.
In a few weeks, follow up. Ask:
“I wanted to check back in on our conversation. Here’s what I’ve been doing. How is it landing?”
What You Might Discover
These conversations often surface:
Someone feels invisible or undervalued
A moment that damaged trust that you didn’t know about
A behavior you didn’t realize was impacting others
Untapped strengths
A team dynamic that feels different from your perspective
None of this requires a survey. It requires listening.